I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
vagina is talking i cant
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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