When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you would pick up someone in the library
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
