were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
