i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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