Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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