I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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