i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize