I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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