i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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