I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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