I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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