its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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