"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
