Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
