I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
time to smoke my breakfast
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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