I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
id be glad to
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
