I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
