either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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