: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
