he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
