I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
