Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
