i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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