did you get engaged???
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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