Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what day is it and did you see me today?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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