I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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