Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
