just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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