The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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