You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
