i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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