yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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