So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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