At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
