just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
