I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
