I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
