what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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