My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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