your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
