Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
