Porn is love you can see.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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