Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize