just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
