i jhust puked up my retainher.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
