Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
