I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
