Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
