your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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