What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
