dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
