So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
