Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
