I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
