guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
