I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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