i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
