hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
