This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is my gift to your gina
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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