Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
