So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize