he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
