It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize