there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
