Just cropdusted the office
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize