Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
