we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize