i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
