we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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