his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
